Most of the time I try to be as positive as I can be. Especially now that I am teaching 16 young children and helping to mold their minds into inquisitive, kind, hard working and fair individuals that will hopefully help to make the world a better place one “please and thank you” at a time.
The key words here are ” most of the time.” I try my hardest to be the pillar of light in their storm, the beacon of hope that they can turn to when their efforts grow stale, but where is my light? Why do I feel like some days I shine brighter than others? I know I let unrequited love bother me in a sense that the more I put out there that’s not reciprocated the more I waste my light. But what happens when you give out too much love? Are you totally depleted as to not be able to regenerate and acquire more? Sometimes we take a risk on others thinking they could be the one, and then we realize they were meant to be only to teach us something about our totally imperfect selves. This goes for friends, families, and lovers alike. Love has no definition. Only a different conduit.
I know that I am strong, and I know that I carry burdens not many can endure. Sometimes I want to release those burdens and it comes out as an outpouring of love to someone who I believe deserves my affection and attention. It doesn’t mean that if they don’t reciprocate that they didn’t deserve it, maybe it just means they needed it more than I did. But then, just like on a video game I feel as if I’m losing lives. I’m losing the power to stay strong when the next obstacle comes my way. The more I think about it, the more I feel like I slip into the same patterns of thought and can recognize them but am not able to rewire my brain.
If anyone out there feels the same way, know you are not alone. I believe that we are full of infinite love and possibilities, talents that are yet to be tapped into, and beliefs that have yet to be formed until we cross a bridge that makes us choose. The more we discover about ourselves, the more information we have to use going forward in every facet of our lives. An idle mind is the devil’s playground. Stay active, stay out of social media, stay out of your own head. Make and do something that requires no extra thought. Help to train your mind to be busy so that the negativity stays at bay. Maybe the full moon 📷 will inspire us to be less emotional as its effects wear off. Or maybe empaths can never truly shut it off. Maybe if I listen hard enough, I will get the answer.