I stopped in my car before driving home from the gym this morning to write this on my phone. I couldn’t ignore the leaves I was finding near me today as a sign. Truth is I’m trying to change like the leaves. With each season the leaves turn from bare branches, to buds, to flowers and lush green leaves to reds and yellows, browns and purples. Then they fall off and die only to repeat the cycle year after year.
Mother Nature can be cruel but at the same time she is beautiful and unpredictable full of surprises. I must have brought in a leaf this morning that I admired on my walk with Arya. Bright yellow and perfectly tiny. It was in fact the same leaf I saw in my hallway when I walked through the house.
Then when I was leaving the gym, another leaf was on the driver’s seat of my car. Yellow and perfect. I don’t know how it got there, but I believe someone is trying to tell me something. I’m looking for a change. My life, although full of blessings, is difficult for me to endure. When you suffer from depression and anxiety with mood changes throughout the day, it’s hard to stay positive and on task no matter how much the task usually brings me joy. I’m trying to find a balance in my life. Working hard to develop and grow my business and to grow our family. I’ve never wanted anything more than to be a mother.
Maybe the leaf symbolizes my growth and future change. Maybe I have to let go of the dead things to let new life begin. How do I do that? That’s the question I suffer most frequently from. The how to do it is the hardest part.
Mother nature’s beauty is all around me. I took time to stop and put attention today as if she spoke to me that better days were coming. I believe in my heart they are. I just need to be patient and look for the signs.
xoxo- Jacqueline